Rasulullah S.A.W sedang duduk bersama para sahabat, kemudian datang pemuda Arab masuk ke dalam masjid dengan menangis. Apabila Rasulullah S..A.W melihat pemuda itu menangis maka baginda pun berkata, "Wahai orang muda kenapa kamu menangis?"
Maka berkata orang muda itu, "Ya Rasulullah S.A.W, ayah saya telah meninggal dunia dan tidak ada kain kafan dan tidak ada orang yang hendak memandikannya." Lalu Rasulullah S.A.W memerintahkan Abu Bakar r.a. dan Umar r.a. ikut orang muda itu untuk melihat masalahnya. Setelah mengikut orang itu,maka Abu Bakar r.a dan Umar r.a. mendapati ayah orang muda itu telah bertukar rupa menjadi babi hitam,
maka mereka pun kembali dan memberitahu kepada Rasulullah S.A.W, "Ya Rasulullah S.A.W, kami lihat mayat ayah orang ini bertukar menjadi babi hutan yang hitam."
Kemudian RasulullahS.A.W dan para sahabat pun pergi ke rumah
orang muda dan baginda pun berdoa kepada Allah W.T, kemudian mayat itu pun tukar kepada bentuk manusia semula. Lalu Rasulullah S.A.W dan para sahabat menyembahyangkan mayat tersebut.
Apabila mayat itu hendak dikebumikan, maka sekali lagi mayat itu berubah menjadi seperti babi hutan yang hitam, maka Rasulullah S.A.W pun bertanya kepada pemuda itu, Wahai orang muda, apakah yang telah dilakukan oleh ayahmu sewaktu dia di dunia dulu?"
Berkata orang muda itu, "Sebenarnya ayahku ini tidak mahu mengerjakan solat." Kemudian Rasulullah S.A.W bersabda, "Wahai para sahabatku, lihatlah keadaan orang yang meninggalkan sembahyang. Di hari kiamat nanti akan dibangkitkan oleh Allah S.W.T seperti babi hutan yang hitam."
Di zaman Abu Bakar r.a ada seorang lelaki yang meninggal dunia dan sewaktu mereka menyembahyanginya tiba-tiba kain kafan itu bergerak. Apabila mereka membuka kain kafan itu mereka melihat ada seekor ular sedang membelit leher mayat tersebut serta memakan daging dan menghisap darah mayat. Lalu mereka cuba membunuh ular itu.
Apabila mereka cuba untuk membunuh ular itu, maka berkata ular tersebut, Laa ilaaha illallahu Muhammadu
Rasulullah, mengapakah kamu semua hendak membunuh aku? Aku tidak berdosa dan aku tidak bersalah. Allah S.W.T yang memerintahkan kepadaku supaya menyeksanya sehingga sampai hari kiamat."
Lalu para sahabat bertanya, "Apakah kesalahan yang telah dilakukan oleh mayat ini?" Berkata ular, "Dia telah melakukan tiga kesalahan, di antaranya;
> > > 1. Apabila dia mendengar azan, dia tidak mahu datang untuk sembahyang
> > > 2. Dia tidak mahu keluarkan zakat hartanya.
> > > 3. Dia tidak mahu mendengar nasihat para ulama.
> > > Maka inilah balasannya".
> > > JIKA ANDA TIDAK KEBERATAN , SEBARKANLAH CERITA KEPADA TEMAN TEMAN MU, KERANA SESUNGGUHNYA ILMU YANG BERMANFAAT ITU , AKAN ABADI JIKADIAMALKAN..
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Sudu
Doktor : Encik kena ambil 3 sudu ubat ni setiap hari.
Pesakit : Eh! tak boleh la doktor.
Doktor : Kenapa?
Pesakit : Rumah saya ada dua sudu jer.
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
Pesakit : Eh! tak boleh la doktor.
Doktor : Kenapa?
Pesakit : Rumah saya ada dua sudu jer.
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
Mayat
Cikgu : Hasan,sambungkan 2 ayat ini menjadi satu. 'Ali menaiki basikal ke sekolah. Ali ternampak mayat.'
Hasan : Ali ternampak mayat menaiki basikal ke sekolah.
Sumber: jenaka dot kom
Hasan : Ali ternampak mayat menaiki basikal ke sekolah.
Sumber: jenaka dot kom
kelas B.I
Ayah : Apasal B.I kamu nie asyik dapat kosong jer...! Apasal hah?
Anak : Eh, ayah! Tu bukan kosong. Tadi cikgu adik dah kasi bintang banyak kat bebudak lain. Ada dapat 5 bintang la, 4 bintang la. Bila turn adik jer, bintang dah abis. Sebab tu cikgu bagi kat adik bulan.
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
Anak : Eh, ayah! Tu bukan kosong. Tadi cikgu adik dah kasi bintang banyak kat bebudak lain. Ada dapat 5 bintang la, 4 bintang la. Bila turn adik jer, bintang dah abis. Sebab tu cikgu bagi kat adik bulan.
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
Sape Hebat
Man : Bapa aku hebat. Dia polis. Semua orang takut ngan dia.
Ali : Eleh, bapa aku lagi terer. Kalau dia suruh orang tunduk, mesti orang tu tunduk.
Man : Wow! Bapa kau keja apa?
Ali : Tukang gunting rambut.
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
Ali : Eleh, bapa aku lagi terer. Kalau dia suruh orang tunduk, mesti orang tu tunduk.
Man : Wow! Bapa kau keja apa?
Ali : Tukang gunting rambut.
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
How to Relax Your Body
All you need to know to begin undoing what stress has been doing to you is how to systematically relax all the muscles in your body. Here is how you do it.
Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for about 15 minutes. Dim the lights. Locate a comfortable chair in which you can sit straight up with your feet on the floor. Sit comfortably in the chair. Pay close attention to how you feel as you begin. Notice any stiffness or tightness. Are there any aches or pains? Do you feel tense, frustrated, or keyed up? Pay attention to how you feel now because you are going to become more relaxed, and you need a point of comparison.
First, we will review what to do and then we will experience the relaxation exercise. The systematic muscle relaxation procedure goes as follows.
-While sitting quietly and comfortably, slowly inhale and exhale and close your eyes as you do so.
-Bend your right hand back at the wrist and briefly hold the tension. Now relax.
-Now do the same thing with the left hand. Hold the tension and now relax.
-This time tighten both hands into fists and hold the tension. Feel it spread up the arms towards the elbows. Now relax.
-Now bend both arms at the elbows and raise your hands up towards your shoulders. Tighten up the muscles in the biceps. Hold it. Now relax.
-These three exercises have used the major muscles in the arms and started them relaxing. If you don't move them around, they will continue to relax becoming more and more relaxed, and you can forget about them
-Next, turn your attention to your face. For your forehead raise your eyebrows up a far as you can and hold the tension. -Now relax.
-For your eyes, squeeze the eyelids tightly together. Hold the tension. Now relax.
-For your jaw you just bite down and clamp your teeth together. Feel the tension along the jaw. Now relax. These three exercises have started the face relaxing.
-For your neck just bend your head forward as if trying to touch your chin to your chest. Feel the tension along the back of the neck and now relax.
-For your shoulders just raise them up as high as you can and notice the tension. Now let them drop all at once and relax.
-For your chest you do two things at once. Take a deep breath and hold it while at the same time trying to touch your shoulder blades together by pulling your arms back. Hold it. Now relax.
-For your stomach you just pull in as if trying to touch your backbone with stomach. Now relax.
-For your back you arch out and away from the chair, and you can feel tension along the spine. Now relax.
-With your feet flat on the floor, press down and feel the tension spread up the back of the legs. Now relax.
-For the right thigh raise your leg up on front of you and feel the tension build. Now relax.
-Now do the same thing with the left leg and relax.
-Finally, for your feet bend your toes up as if pointing towards the ceiling and feel the tension around the feet and ankles. Once again, relax
Print these instructions to follow when offline.
Now that we have reviewed the procedure, we will practice this exercise. We will relax the muscles as we just described. By the time we are through, your body will be more relaxed. At this time your heart rate will have slowed, your blood pressure will have come down, and your breathing will have become regular and deep. The other changes mentioned will soon follow.
But, first. What is your mind doing?
Sumber :saujanaku
Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for about 15 minutes. Dim the lights. Locate a comfortable chair in which you can sit straight up with your feet on the floor. Sit comfortably in the chair. Pay close attention to how you feel as you begin. Notice any stiffness or tightness. Are there any aches or pains? Do you feel tense, frustrated, or keyed up? Pay attention to how you feel now because you are going to become more relaxed, and you need a point of comparison.
First, we will review what to do and then we will experience the relaxation exercise. The systematic muscle relaxation procedure goes as follows.
-While sitting quietly and comfortably, slowly inhale and exhale and close your eyes as you do so.
-Bend your right hand back at the wrist and briefly hold the tension. Now relax.
-Now do the same thing with the left hand. Hold the tension and now relax.
-This time tighten both hands into fists and hold the tension. Feel it spread up the arms towards the elbows. Now relax.
-Now bend both arms at the elbows and raise your hands up towards your shoulders. Tighten up the muscles in the biceps. Hold it. Now relax.
-These three exercises have used the major muscles in the arms and started them relaxing. If you don't move them around, they will continue to relax becoming more and more relaxed, and you can forget about them
-Next, turn your attention to your face. For your forehead raise your eyebrows up a far as you can and hold the tension. -Now relax.
-For your eyes, squeeze the eyelids tightly together. Hold the tension. Now relax.
-For your jaw you just bite down and clamp your teeth together. Feel the tension along the jaw. Now relax. These three exercises have started the face relaxing.
-For your neck just bend your head forward as if trying to touch your chin to your chest. Feel the tension along the back of the neck and now relax.
-For your shoulders just raise them up as high as you can and notice the tension. Now let them drop all at once and relax.
-For your chest you do two things at once. Take a deep breath and hold it while at the same time trying to touch your shoulder blades together by pulling your arms back. Hold it. Now relax.
-For your stomach you just pull in as if trying to touch your backbone with stomach. Now relax.
-For your back you arch out and away from the chair, and you can feel tension along the spine. Now relax.
-With your feet flat on the floor, press down and feel the tension spread up the back of the legs. Now relax.
-For the right thigh raise your leg up on front of you and feel the tension build. Now relax.
-Now do the same thing with the left leg and relax.
-Finally, for your feet bend your toes up as if pointing towards the ceiling and feel the tension around the feet and ankles. Once again, relax
Print these instructions to follow when offline.
Now that we have reviewed the procedure, we will practice this exercise. We will relax the muscles as we just described. By the time we are through, your body will be more relaxed. At this time your heart rate will have slowed, your blood pressure will have come down, and your breathing will have become regular and deep. The other changes mentioned will soon follow.
But, first. What is your mind doing?
Sumber :saujanaku
Flash??
A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash.
Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera.
Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera.
AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went.
Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for - GO ON MAKE A GUESS....
DID YOU GUESS?
COME ON = YOU HAVE BEEN DRIVING
not wearing a seatbelt......
Sumber :saujanaku
Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera.
Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera.
AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went.
Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for - GO ON MAKE A GUESS....
DID YOU GUESS?
COME ON = YOU HAVE BEEN DRIVING
not wearing a seatbelt......
Sumber :saujanaku
THE PARROT Joke
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw
a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really
ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to
her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was
incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey
lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store
and said that she would sue the store and kill the
bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised
he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after
work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said,"Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really
ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to
her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was
incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey
lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store
and said that she would sue the store and kill the
bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised
he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after
work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said,"Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
two large PotS
A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the House, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of it's own imperfection. And miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw. So I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house?
Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life.
Sumber : saujanaku
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw. So I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house?
Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life.
Sumber : saujanaku
LOve ? wealth or SuCCEss
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"
The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"
MY WISH FOR YOU...
· Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it. Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength. Where there is fear, I wish you love, and courage
Sumber: saujanaku
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"
The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"
MY WISH FOR YOU...
· Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it. Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength. Where there is fear, I wish you love, and courage
Sumber: saujanaku
Pak Pandir dan Pak kadok
ceta ni mengisahkan 2 kawan baik dlm dunia ni...kawan baik yg dimaksudkan ialah pak pandir ngan pak kadok.mungkin disebabkan nama keduanya bermula ngan PAK memyebabkan mereka ni tak boleh dipisahkan oleh keakraban.
kedua2nya merupakan lepasan sekolah tinggi luar negara dan baru sahaja nak mencari keja..tak kira la keja apa yg ptgnya halal.suatu hari mereka pun pegila enterview kat satu syarikat yg ternama..malangnya syarikat tu hanya mahukan seorang jer pekerja.so,mereka be2 tu pun ditapis untuk memilih siapa ka yg plg layak untuk bekerja kat syarikat tu.syarat nyer senang jer,siapa yg plg datang ke oppis sebelum jam lapan pada keesokan nya automatik bejaya dan akan dipilih.
maka keesokan harinya,bos punya syarikat terpaksa la menunnggu slama berjam2 sehingga jam menunjukkan jam 10.00 barula btang hidung mereka kelihatan.Dengan muka yg merah dan coklat,BOSS bertanya kepada pak kadok
BOSS:boleh pakcik kadok cetakan ngan i kenapa dan mengapa pakcik kadok lewat dua jam?
KADOK;sebenarnya tadi,masa saya kat lif tiba2 bekalan eletrik terputus dan saya terpaksa menuggu sehingga semuanya ok..
BOSS: ok saya terima alasan tu.macamna plk ngan awak pak pandir?
dengan selamba pandir menjawab>>
PANDIR:macmni cetanya boss;tadi masa saya naik tangga bergerak,tiba2 bekalan elektrik terputus dan saya terpaksa menunggu sehingga ok...
Sumber: jenaka dot kom
kedua2nya merupakan lepasan sekolah tinggi luar negara dan baru sahaja nak mencari keja..tak kira la keja apa yg ptgnya halal.suatu hari mereka pun pegila enterview kat satu syarikat yg ternama..malangnya syarikat tu hanya mahukan seorang jer pekerja.so,mereka be2 tu pun ditapis untuk memilih siapa ka yg plg layak untuk bekerja kat syarikat tu.syarat nyer senang jer,siapa yg plg datang ke oppis sebelum jam lapan pada keesokan nya automatik bejaya dan akan dipilih.
maka keesokan harinya,bos punya syarikat terpaksa la menunnggu slama berjam2 sehingga jam menunjukkan jam 10.00 barula btang hidung mereka kelihatan.Dengan muka yg merah dan coklat,BOSS bertanya kepada pak kadok
BOSS:boleh pakcik kadok cetakan ngan i kenapa dan mengapa pakcik kadok lewat dua jam?
KADOK;sebenarnya tadi,masa saya kat lif tiba2 bekalan eletrik terputus dan saya terpaksa menuggu sehingga semuanya ok..
BOSS: ok saya terima alasan tu.macamna plk ngan awak pak pandir?
dengan selamba pandir menjawab>>
PANDIR:macmni cetanya boss;tadi masa saya naik tangga bergerak,tiba2 bekalan elektrik terputus dan saya terpaksa menunggu sehingga ok...
Sumber: jenaka dot kom
minum cpt22
> >Ada seorang pemuda ke kedai mamak dia hanya ada 70 sen semasa itu.
> >Pemuda : Mamak berapa harga teh panas deengan sejuk?
> >Mamak : Panas 70 sen sejuk RM1.20.
> >Pemuda :! Bagi teh panas 1.
> >Sampai je teh tersebut pemuda itu terus minum.
> >Mamak : Kenapa awak minum cepat sangat? > >Pemuda : Kalau saya tunggu lama2 nanti sejuk tak fasal2 saya kena bayar RM1.20
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
> >Pemuda : Mamak berapa harga teh panas deengan sejuk?
> >Mamak : Panas 70 sen sejuk RM1.20.
> >Pemuda :! Bagi teh panas 1.
> >Sampai je teh tersebut pemuda itu terus minum.
> >Mamak : Kenapa awak minum cepat sangat? > >Pemuda : Kalau saya tunggu lama2 nanti sejuk tak fasal2 saya kena bayar RM1.20
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
SurAt !!
> >Sorang nurse di hospital sakit jiwa nampak sorang pesakit sedang tulis surat.
> >Nurse : Ko tulis surat kt sapa?
> >Gila : Aku tulis surat untuk diri aku sendiri"
> >Nurse : Jadi.. apa yang ko tulis?
> >Gila : Mana aku tau? Esok pagi bila posmen hantar, baru la aku boleh baca.
Sumber :jenaka dot kom
> >Nurse : Ko tulis surat kt sapa?
> >Gila : Aku tulis surat untuk diri aku sendiri"
> >Nurse : Jadi.. apa yang ko tulis?
> >Gila : Mana aku tau? Esok pagi bila posmen hantar, baru la aku boleh baca.
Sumber :jenaka dot kom
paling tua??
> >Di sekolah tabika.
> >Cikgu : Amri, awak ada berapa beradik?
> >Amri : Tiga, cikgu
> >Cikgu : Awak yg paling tua?
>Amri : Tak. Atuk saya....
sumber : jenaka dot kom
> >Cikgu : Amri, awak ada berapa beradik?
> >Amri : Tiga, cikgu
> >Cikgu : Awak yg paling tua?
>Amri : Tak. Atuk saya....
sumber : jenaka dot kom
3 tahun...
> >Bangla dan rakannya sedang berbual
> >Bangla : Esok saya nak balik bangladesh, isteri saya mengandung 3 bulan.
> >Rakan : Wah mesti awak gembira
> >Bangla : Sudah tentu, sudah 3 tahun saya tak balik!
> >Rakan : ?????
sumber : jenaka dot kom
> >Bangla : Esok saya nak balik bangladesh, isteri saya mengandung 3 bulan.
> >Rakan : Wah mesti awak gembira
> >Bangla : Sudah tentu, sudah 3 tahun saya tak balik!
> >Rakan : ?????
sumber : jenaka dot kom
stesen ketapi..
> >Satu pagi di stesen ketapi, ada satu makcik tu dia tanya petugas kaunter...
> >Makcik : Anak, keretapi sampai jam berapa??
> >Petugas kaunter: Jam 2 Kedah, jam 5 Kelantan, jam 1 Penang, jam 7 Gemas.
> >Makcik nak pergi mana??
> >Makcik : Makcik nak melintas aja.
sumber : jenaka dot kom
> >Makcik : Anak, keretapi sampai jam berapa??
> >Petugas kaunter: Jam 2 Kedah, jam 5 Kelantan, jam 1 Penang, jam 7 Gemas.
> >Makcik nak pergi mana??
> >Makcik : Makcik nak melintas aja.
sumber : jenaka dot kom
Soal Jawab Shin chan dan gurunya
Guru : Kenapa awak lambat?
Sin Chan: Kerana sebuah papan tanda.
Guru: Papan tanda mana ?
Sin Chan: Yang ada tulisan, "Sekolah di hadapan, jalan pelahan."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Guru: Sin Chan, Macam mana awak eja perkataan "BUAYA"?
Sin Chan: "B-O-O-W-A-Y-A"
Guru: Bukan, Salah tu.
 Sin Chan: Mungkin itu salah , tapi Cikgu tanya
saya macam mana saya mengeja nya, itu lah yang saya eja !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Apakah formula untuk air?
Sin Chan: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Guru: Apa yang awak cakap tu?
Sin Chan: Kankelmarin Cikgu kata H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Sin Chan, Pergi ke Peta Dunia tu, cari dan tunjuk mana Amerika Utara.
Sin Chan: Di sini Cikgu, Sin Chan menunjukkan tepat kat Peta dunia yang
tergantung kat hadapan kelas!
Guru: Betul. Sekarang, Kelas, Beritahu saya siapa yang jumpa Amerika Utara?
Kelas: Sin Chan Cikgu!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Guru: Sin Chan, beritahu satu perkara penting yang kita tak ada 10
tahun dulu.
Sin Chan: Saya Cikgu!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Bagaimana kita boleh mengelak penyakait yang di sebabkan oleh
gigitan serangga?
Sin Chan: Jangan kena gigitserangga.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*
Guru: "Boleh tak sesiapa beritahu saya perkara yang kamu tahu berlaku
secara kebetulan?"
Sin Chan: "Cikgu, Ibu dan Bapa saya berkahwin pada hari yang sama,
pada masa yang sama dan juga pada waktu yang sama."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Sin Chan, aneh sunggud stokin yang awak pakai ni, satu warna hijau berbintik hitam
dan satu lagi berwarna merah berbintik biru. !
Sin Chan: Ya betul Cikgu, memang nampak aneh, saya pun hairan kerana terdapat
sepasang lagi dengan warna yang sama kat rumah .
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Sekarang, Sin Chan, Sebetulnya beritahu saya dengan jujur adakah
awak berdoa sebelum makan?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , Saya tak perlu buat begitu , kerana saya tahu
ibu saya adalah seorang tukang masak yang bagus.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Sin Chan, Karangan awak "Anjing saya" adalah sama seperti yang di
karang oleh Adik awak Adakah awak meniru kerja dia?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu, ianya ialah anjing yang sama!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Siapakah orang yang kita panggil yang tak henti henti bercakap
tetapi orang tak berminat nak dengar?
Sin Chan: Seorang Guru, Cikgu!
Sin Chan: Kerana sebuah papan tanda.
Guru: Papan tanda mana ?
Sin Chan: Yang ada tulisan, "Sekolah di hadapan, jalan pelahan."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Guru: Sin Chan, Macam mana awak eja perkataan "BUAYA"?
Sin Chan: "B-O-O-W-A-Y-A"
Guru: Bukan, Salah tu.
 Sin Chan: Mungkin itu salah , tapi Cikgu tanya
saya macam mana saya mengeja nya, itu lah yang saya eja !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Apakah formula untuk air?
Sin Chan: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Guru: Apa yang awak cakap tu?
Sin Chan: Kankelmarin Cikgu kata H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Sin Chan, Pergi ke Peta Dunia tu, cari dan tunjuk mana Amerika Utara.
Sin Chan: Di sini Cikgu, Sin Chan menunjukkan tepat kat Peta dunia yang
tergantung kat hadapan kelas!
Guru: Betul. Sekarang, Kelas, Beritahu saya siapa yang jumpa Amerika Utara?
Kelas: Sin Chan Cikgu!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Guru: Sin Chan, beritahu satu perkara penting yang kita tak ada 10
tahun dulu.
Sin Chan: Saya Cikgu!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Bagaimana kita boleh mengelak penyakait yang di sebabkan oleh
gigitan serangga?
Sin Chan: Jangan kena gigitserangga.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*
Guru: "Boleh tak sesiapa beritahu saya perkara yang kamu tahu berlaku
secara kebetulan?"
Sin Chan: "Cikgu, Ibu dan Bapa saya berkahwin pada hari yang sama,
pada masa yang sama dan juga pada waktu yang sama."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Sin Chan, aneh sunggud stokin yang awak pakai ni, satu warna hijau berbintik hitam
dan satu lagi berwarna merah berbintik biru. !
Sin Chan: Ya betul Cikgu, memang nampak aneh, saya pun hairan kerana terdapat
sepasang lagi dengan warna yang sama kat rumah .
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Sekarang, Sin Chan, Sebetulnya beritahu saya dengan jujur adakah
awak berdoa sebelum makan?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , Saya tak perlu buat begitu , kerana saya tahu
ibu saya adalah seorang tukang masak yang bagus.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Sin Chan, Karangan awak "Anjing saya" adalah sama seperti yang di
karang oleh Adik awak Adakah awak meniru kerja dia?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu, ianya ialah anjing yang sama!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Siapakah orang yang kita panggil yang tak henti henti bercakap
tetapi orang tak berminat nak dengar?
Sin Chan: Seorang Guru, Cikgu!
NAnti kena buang keje!!!
Seorang tuan punya ZOOO risau gorilanya mati,kerana ia ada tarikan paling kuat Zoo tersebut..Suatu hari dia mencari akal dengan meminta seorang pemuda bernama ...JEBON...bekerja untuknya dengan memakai pakaian menyerupai gorila dan duduk dalam kandang...Apa lagi JEBON dapat good offer...dan terima lah..Untuk menujukkan ia benar-benar sekeor gorila, dia pun bergayut-gayut di keliling kandang. Tiada seorang pun perasaan bahawa gorila palsu..Suatu hari dia memanjat kandangnya dengan lebih tinggi hingga masuk ke kadang sebelah ada harimau..
Orang ramai yang menyaksikan bersorak lebih gemuruh kerana kelihatan harimau sudah mula naik minyak..Tiba-tiba gorila tersebut tergelincir dan jatuhhhhh..ke kandang harimau...KANTOI... si JEBON kata...Harimaun mendekati gorila berkenaan dan menindihnya...Gorila tersebut menjerit...TOLONG....TOLONG....TOLONG....Suasana semakin gamat kerana orang ramai mahu melihat bagaimanan gorila berjuang menentang harimau..
Tiba-tiba harimau menutup mulut gorila berkenaan dan berkata ""Woooiiii...diam laaaaa....Kau nak kita sama-sama kena BUANG KEJA KER???
JADI JANGAN MELENGEHKAN MASA...WOOWWWWWWW APA BACA LAGI...PERGI LAH
BUAT KEJA....NANTI PULAK KENA BUANG KEJA...SIAPA YANG SUSAH YOU JUGAK...
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
Orang ramai yang menyaksikan bersorak lebih gemuruh kerana kelihatan harimau sudah mula naik minyak..Tiba-tiba gorila tersebut tergelincir dan jatuhhhhh..ke kandang harimau...KANTOI... si JEBON kata...Harimaun mendekati gorila berkenaan dan menindihnya...Gorila tersebut menjerit...TOLONG....TOLONG....TOLONG....Suasana semakin gamat kerana orang ramai mahu melihat bagaimanan gorila berjuang menentang harimau..
Tiba-tiba harimau menutup mulut gorila berkenaan dan berkata ""Woooiiii...diam laaaaa....Kau nak kita sama-sama kena BUANG KEJA KER???
JADI JANGAN MELENGEHKAN MASA...WOOWWWWWWW APA BACA LAGI...PERGI LAH
BUAT KEJA....NANTI PULAK KENA BUANG KEJA...SIAPA YANG SUSAH YOU JUGAK...
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
"STAFF PENIPU"
Seorang bos sedang menunggu staff-staff nya datang ke ofis untuk bermesyuarat.
Bos itu sungguh marah kerana tiada seorang pun sampi ke ofis. Tiba-tiba kelihatan
salah seorang staff nya berlari menuju pintu ofis.....
Staff 1: Bos..jangan marah dlu..saya boleh jelaskan kenapa saya lewat hari ini...
Saya ada temu janji tetapi ia selesai lewat. Saya berlari untuk menaiki bas tetapi
terlepas, saya menaiki teksi tetapi teksi tersebut rosak di tengah jalan. Saya
terjumpa ladang dan membeli seekor kuda sedang dalam perjalanan kuda itu jatuh
dan mati dan saya berlari 10 km dan baru sampai.
Bos tersebut amat hairan dan pelik dengan penjelasan staff tersebut tetapi
membiarkan sahaja kerana beliau dapat datang jugak. Seketika kemudian 8 orang
staff datang dengan keadaan kelam kabut dan bos pun bertanya setiap seorang
dari mereka kenapa mereka lewat.
Bos: Kenapa kamu lewat.
Staff 2:Saya ada temu janji tetapi ia selesai lewat. Saya berlari untuk menaiki bas
tetapi terlepas, saya menaiki teksi tetapi teksi tersebut rosak di tengah jalan.
Saya terjumpa ladang dan membeli seekor kuda sedang dalam perjalanan kuda itu
jatuh dan mati dan saya berlari 10 km dan baru sampai..
Bos itu pelik dan agak hairan dengan penjelasan staff tersebut tetapi dia telah
melepaskan staff yang pertama dari apa-apa hukuman dan terpaksa juga
melepaskan staff yang kedua itu. Dan setiap staff yang ditanya mengapa mereka
lewat dan penjelasan mereka juga sama dan akhirnya soalan ditujukan kepada
staff ke-9.
Bos: Ha ..kamu pula ..apa pula penjelasan kamu?
Staff 9:saya ada temu janji tetapi ia selesai lewat. Saya berlari untuk menaiki bas
tetapi terlepas, saya menaiki teksi tetapi....
Bos:Biar saya teka..[bos itu menyampuk..]..teksi tu rosak kan...
Staff 9: Bukan...ada terlalu banyak bangkai kuda di tengah jalan...teksi langsung
tidak boleh bergerak...
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
Bos itu sungguh marah kerana tiada seorang pun sampi ke ofis. Tiba-tiba kelihatan
salah seorang staff nya berlari menuju pintu ofis.....
Staff 1: Bos..jangan marah dlu..saya boleh jelaskan kenapa saya lewat hari ini...
Saya ada temu janji tetapi ia selesai lewat. Saya berlari untuk menaiki bas tetapi
terlepas, saya menaiki teksi tetapi teksi tersebut rosak di tengah jalan. Saya
terjumpa ladang dan membeli seekor kuda sedang dalam perjalanan kuda itu jatuh
dan mati dan saya berlari 10 km dan baru sampai.
Bos tersebut amat hairan dan pelik dengan penjelasan staff tersebut tetapi
membiarkan sahaja kerana beliau dapat datang jugak. Seketika kemudian 8 orang
staff datang dengan keadaan kelam kabut dan bos pun bertanya setiap seorang
dari mereka kenapa mereka lewat.
Bos: Kenapa kamu lewat.
Staff 2:Saya ada temu janji tetapi ia selesai lewat. Saya berlari untuk menaiki bas
tetapi terlepas, saya menaiki teksi tetapi teksi tersebut rosak di tengah jalan.
Saya terjumpa ladang dan membeli seekor kuda sedang dalam perjalanan kuda itu
jatuh dan mati dan saya berlari 10 km dan baru sampai..
Bos itu pelik dan agak hairan dengan penjelasan staff tersebut tetapi dia telah
melepaskan staff yang pertama dari apa-apa hukuman dan terpaksa juga
melepaskan staff yang kedua itu. Dan setiap staff yang ditanya mengapa mereka
lewat dan penjelasan mereka juga sama dan akhirnya soalan ditujukan kepada
staff ke-9.
Bos: Ha ..kamu pula ..apa pula penjelasan kamu?
Staff 9:saya ada temu janji tetapi ia selesai lewat. Saya berlari untuk menaiki bas
tetapi terlepas, saya menaiki teksi tetapi....
Bos:Biar saya teka..[bos itu menyampuk..]..teksi tu rosak kan...
Staff 9: Bukan...ada terlalu banyak bangkai kuda di tengah jalan...teksi langsung
tidak boleh bergerak...
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
burung kakak tua !!
Di sebuah kedai menjual burung, terdapat 2 ekor burung kakak tua.
Kedua burung itu berbeza, yang satu suka bernyanyi dan yang satunya lagi hanya
diam saja, datang seorang lelaki ingin membeli burung kakak tua. Ia berkata
kepada si penjual burung.
Pembeli : Berapa harga burung kakak tua ini...??
Penjual: Kalau yang suka menyanyi itu RM500,
sedangkan yang diam itu RM1000.
Pembeli: Ahhh...?? Kenapa yang suka menyanyi lebih murah dari yang diam.
Penjual: Yaa... memang berbeza,
yang berharaga RM1000 itu ialah pencipta lagunya.
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
Kedua burung itu berbeza, yang satu suka bernyanyi dan yang satunya lagi hanya
diam saja, datang seorang lelaki ingin membeli burung kakak tua. Ia berkata
kepada si penjual burung.
Pembeli : Berapa harga burung kakak tua ini...??
Penjual: Kalau yang suka menyanyi itu RM500,
sedangkan yang diam itu RM1000.
Pembeli: Ahhh...?? Kenapa yang suka menyanyi lebih murah dari yang diam.
Penjual: Yaa... memang berbeza,
yang berharaga RM1000 itu ialah pencipta lagunya.
Sumber : jenaka dot kom
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